Integrity and being happy and human in today’s workplace
Integrity. This is a complicated word, especially these days. Go look up the definition and you’ll see why. In a long-ago published article (Why Integrity Is Never Easy (hbr.org), the author gives two reasons for this, they are:
We have our own past experiences, cultures, and family norms that shape our view of integrity. That means each of us have our own definition of what is “right.”
It’s easy to slide down the slippery slope of rationalization and justify any behavior, especially when there’s a reward in place for doing so.
I typically have an easy time of determining if my integrity line has been crossed. I get that feeling in my gut; you may know the one – you feel nauseated and nervous. For me, it grows into some major anxiety if I don’t figure out how to let it out.
This leads to what I have a harder time with…effectively communicating the line has been crossed without alienating a person or group of people. You may ask me why I care? In my role as CHRO, I have a corporate responsibility (in addition to my personal one) to lead and set examples for others that are kind, respectful, and inclusive – among other things. I also want people who may disagree to listen and not tune me out…in order to get to a conversation and not a one-sided, protest soliloquy. Insert Bob Dylan song here.
Minor rathole: sometimes being on the human resources team, I feel like people expect me to follow along with no opinion, shrinking into a corner when faced with real people issues that impact a business's success. Others may view me as a general buzzkill or too corporate. I do have non-negotiables, but I don’t have to act like a righteous jerk when explaining my position. Although, TBH, there are multiple examples from my past when I’ve been a real jerk to someone in response to them crossing my line. You know who you are. And honestly, in my heart of hearts, I don’t regret my past behaviors. In my mind, they deserved my wrath. But was I effective in changing the outcome? Not. One. Bit. My response temporarily fed my ego but didn’t lead to stronger relationships.
Now back to the topic. Different people hold different past experiences, which lead to different views on where the line sits. How do you tell someone they’ve crossed your integrity line in an authentically-you way and lead to a strong possibility they will listen?
What’s worked for me? It all starts with my values, otherwise known as my personal guiding principles. I spent a lot of time earlier in my career thinking about these and instilling them as best I could into the decisions I make every day, to help me develop into a better and more consistent leader.
My three tips for creating an authentic response where you will be heard:
1) Before you react, pause and remember who you want to be.
In times of stress, my brain is telling me to fight back. But my values exist to guide my responses in stressful situations. Despite the stickiness, or ickiness of the situation, how do I want to show up?
My personal guiding principles are – to be strong, extend grace, have a sense of humor, and carry my own sunshine (aka don’t bring your clouds into my sunny day). These principles help me calmly craft a message that honors my style and my beliefs. For example, my circle of colleagues expects me to build some playfulness into everything I do, which I hope in turn, helps to diffuse any tension and invite others to hear me. I want their internal voice to say, “Amy’s acting consistent with how she typically acts, so let me hear what she’s saying.”
2) Know your “whys.”
Do you have a sound argument for why you believe your integrity line has been crossed? If not, take a walk, clear your head and deeply think about why this issue is important to you. Jot down the impact it has, what outcomes it drives and what leads you to process this way. This is a good time to consider past examples and have them ready to share to reinforce your view.
For example, if I want to share something about why I feel strongly about Medicare reform, I might say: “My family has been personally impacted by mental health issues and what I’ve observed is, there are a lot of folks out there with little or no resources to get the help they need. We know that early intervention leads to a better prognosis, so I believe in Medicare reform for those folks who don’t have the resources that my family did.”
3) Say it plainly and directly.
This is not a time to whip out obscure words from your thesaurus app. I like to craft my messages in bullet points because it helps me eliminate extra words or phrases that distract from my message. After I do that, then I connect my talking points with other words that will logically connect them.
Closing thoughts – remember, we’re only human. I’ve shared with you how I address non-negotiables with my quest to be happy and human. How do you do it?
Bonus points for anyone who knows where the photo was taken.